A couple of signs have recently appeared in the kitchen where I reside. They’re not aimed at me; no, they’re clearly aimed at my owner, and it’s not difficult to work out who put them there. One reads: “My next husband will be normal” and the other says: “Studies suggest that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.” My owner doesn’t seem to be in the slightest bit perturbed; no, he just laughs them off. He knows deep down that his wife of 30

My owner announced the other day that he was off to see a bunch of starlings. Yes, starlings! The same noisy, greedy and endlessly pooing vagabonds that regularly visit our garden bird feeders. And not for the first time, I began to wonder if he had finally ‘lost it.’ I mean, why go on a mini migration, lasting one and a half hours, to see something undesirable that’s already in your garden? Well, it turns out that he went to a nature reserve on the Somerset Levels. And he wa

My owner works for two different schools. He’s not bright enough to be a teacher, so his job is to help cook school dinners in one school, and to transport them to the other. He knows the route to East Anstey Primary like the back of his hand. He’s done it in all weathers for a number of years, and the route is always the same, day after day. In fact, you could say that he drives his metal chariot on ‘autopilot’ to get there. Well, at least, most of the time…... One day, last

I’m not a great fan of mini-beasts and insects. No, I’m definitely not. They give me the heebie-jeebies! I always think that flies will get in under my feathers, so if I see any anywhere near me, I hiss at them and try to chase them away. So, you can imagine how disconcerted I was to find out that my human owner has just finished constructing an insect hotel. I really don’t know what’s come over him. A parrot hotel would have been fine, but no, he’s just made a special hotel